If I didn’t blog…

…I would have gone nuts by now. Honestly. I was thinking today about how crazy I was living by myself in the summer of 2001 during my internship, and how starting the blog got me through many of those dark nights (and occasionally on a road to self-discovery, though not often enough).

I also thought today about how I use this blog. Some of it is as an outboard memory, a commonplace book of things I find useful. Some of it is about things I have to say, or ideas that grab me and don’t let go until I write them down.

And some of it, honestly, is what I do to fill in the corners when I’m uncomfortable and feel myself slipping back into depression. I don’t write about the depression, I just write. It’s activity, and it consumes less thought and is more productive than the alternatives. But it doesn’t face or solve the problem of the depression, it just gets me past it.

I’m going to try to alter my writing patterns to: write fifteen minutes in the morning before work, for half an hour during lunch, and then anything else after dinner. I think if I can keep myself from compulsively blogging every time I feel a little depressed, I can both improve the content of this site (you win) and be more motivated to face depressive episodes head on and manage constructively through them (I win).

Continuing blog problems

Posts are going to my blog but then disappearing from the home page. This is problematic because Weblogs.com gets pinged anyway (though the RSS feed doesn’t update). Anyone seen this on a Manila site before?

Also, the server that runs the editorial part seems to be falling over regularly, and losing many of my changes with it.

Morning foliage, almost

I took a bunch of photos of our back yard this morning, with the full intention of posting them, until I remembered that Lisa has the USB cable for the camera with her at her conference. (Mental note: buy another A:B cable, cheapskate.)

It’s the kind of grey humid morning, just after a rainfall, that was so rare in Virginia… heh. Not here…

Salam Pax: dark days in Baghdad

The Iraqi blogger’s website is pretty slow, but it looks like the PyGoogle folks are taking pity on his excessive bandwidth usage. He’s giving some amazing insight on how the war is being felt in Baghdad:

While buying groceries the woman who sells the vegetables was talking to another about the approach of American armies to Najaf city and about what is happening at Um Qasar and Basra. If Um Qasar is so difficult to control what will happen when they get to Baghdad? It will turn uglier and this is very worrying. People (and I bet “allied forces”) were expecting things to be mush easier. There are no waving masses of people welcoming the Americans nor are they surrendering by the thousands. People are oing what all of us are, sitting in their homes hoping that a bomb doesn’t fall on them and keeping their doors shut.
The smoke columns have now encircled Baghdad, well almost. The wids blow generally to the east which leaves the western side of Baghdad clear. But when it comes in the way of the sun it covers it totally, it is a very thick cloud. We are going to have some very dark days, literally.

To Tony, with love, from Buk

A note before I start this: sometime, someday, I will have to dig up, re-key, and post the poem I wrote that was at least partly about the death of Charles Bukowski. (Re-key because the Jaz drive that I saved a lot of my UVA files to is a piece of crap.)

Tony is sounding a little down on his blog tonight. So I channeled Bukowski at him in a comment, which I reprint here in its entirety. Read it, then go give him some love:

I’m not sure that Bukowski never whined. You could, if you were feeling uncharitable, interpret his works as one long cry for help. Or you could do what I think it is you do, and interpret them as a celebration of where he was, and the joy of being able to write, and the perplexity that the rest of life wasn’t that simple. It’s like he says, “you get so alone at times that it just makes sense.”

A toast to Bukowski, who would have known exactly what to do about this war: switch the radio to Mahler, open another bottle of wine or three, and go screw some broad.

And with that, I’m off to sleep.

Washington State in the spotlight

New York Times: “Pacific Northwest keeps watch on many vulnerable points.” In which it is pointed out that a state with 2400 miles of shorefront and a long, forested international border might have a lot to worry about from terrorism, even were it not in the midst of a massive economic crisis that makes adequate staffing of security posts impossible.

Makes me wonder whether the two healthy businesses in town—Microsoft and Starbucks—could find a way to step up and help the private sector.

Keep on marchin’

From the weekend, lots of protest notes around the blogosphere:

  • Esta notes that the riot police had to be called out in Richmond (“Richmond has riot police?”)
  • George notes that the protests in San Francisco didn’t necessarily convince people on the fence (“Graffiti, destruction of public and private property, disruption of traffic, and destroying police cars do not exactly bring me around to their cause.  In addition, it alienates more peaceful protestors who might actually be able to intellectually articulate their point of view”)
  • Tony posts a brilliant photo essay that bridges the Oscars and the pro- and anti-war protests in LA.
  • Jessamyn talks about the disconnect between protestors’ rhetoric (“shut down the town”) and reality (“my electricity and water were still running safely, as was my network connectivity and phone. There were no holes in the walls of my house and my life was in no danger. My family and friends were likewise fairly safe. Food was readily available and inexpensive. I could take a bus to within about eight blocks of my final destination and I like to walk. I had no shopping to do, or businesses to visit, and I feel comfortable among teeming throngs of activists. Shut down? Not to me.”)

Now, a confession. I still haven’t been to a protest. This is probably creeping suburbanism at its worst, but I have this funny feeling. It says I shouldn’t go to a protest unless I’m so sure of my convictions I’m willing to get arrested. And I’m not there yet. But God bless those who are.

Long day, long rehearsals

It’s concert week again, and there are lots of rehearsals all week. The Cascadian Singers are doing an ambitious program of song in the Bellevue Art Museum on Saturday night, called “Doppelgängers,” where the concept is that we alternate between different settings of the same text. I think there are five or six “Doppels” in the concert, most in the first half with liturgical texts around the Byrd Mass for Five Voices (though there are two really cool settings of the Pater noster at the end of the first half, including the most chant-like Stravinsky I’ve ever sung). The concert is also the premiere of the winners of our annual composition contest, including a very cool setting of some Blake poetry and a new setting of the text of “The Silver Swan.”

It’ll be a very cool program and well worth the travel to the east side (hint, hint, all you Seattle bloggers!!).

To get there, though, I have two more long rehearsals. Thank goodness Lisa is out of town this week or she’d be really grumpy with me.

—Except that today I turned down a job as a tenor section lead in a local choir because it would take up too much family time. Does that balance it out? Probably not.

Congrats…

…to Priscilla and Scott, who were married today in Las Vegas. Hope you have a lifetime of joy together.

I wasn’t able to watch the ceremony—I was in meetings all afternoon, went straight from work to rehearsal, and got home after the Internet video stream had expired. But I’m sure the service was more solemn and wonderful than anything in Las Vegas has ever been.

Are you being watched? Secret surveillance on the rise

Washington Post: U.S. Steps Up Secret Surveillance: FBI, Justice Dept. Increase Use of Wiretaps, Records Searches. This is pretty disturbing:

Since the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks, the Justice Department and FBI have dramatically increased the use of two little-known powers that allow authorities to tap telephones, seize bank and telephone records and obtain other information in counterterrorism investigations with no immediate court oversight, according to officials and newly disclosed documents.

The article credits the PATRIOT Act, which loosened restrictions on when these “national security letters” and “emergency foreign intelligence warrants” may be used, for the increase in use of these tactics. With no checks and balances, these powers may be the most immediate threat to civil liberties out there.

Do I exaggerate? I don’t think so. Remember, the secret court that oversees the requests for these warrants has said that the Justice Department isn’t doing a good job of justifying them. And much of the case for war was made with dubious information. Can the Justice Department be trusted to process the information it already has? If not, why should we grant them a blanket right to reach into our bank and telephone records?

Qui custodiet custodies?

“Freedom suits”: slave lawsuits from 180 years ago

LA Times via Seattle Times: “Slaves’ courtroom fights for liberation revealed.” Archivists in St. Louis have uncovered, and digitized, an archive of the records of 283 “freedom suits” filed by slaves against their masters in St. Louis from 1814 to 1865. Many predate Dred Scott’s suit, often with more successful results. In fact Missouri, like Virginia, had a practice of “set[ting] aside taxpayer money to hire lawyers for slaves who sued for freedom.” The story, and the archive, open the doors on a fascinating chapter of US history.

From the blogosphere

I had to leave work quickly owing to illness (better now, thanks). I spent the afternoon in bed and am just now catching up with the keiretsu. Who, actually, have been mostly pretty quiet recently. Of course, anywhere else in the world spring doesn’t mean drenching rain so they’re probably all outside.

  • Esta has gotten a potentially renewable scholarship to the seminary. That’s my sister!
  • Greg points to an unintended consequence of the Bush Doctrine (i.e. strike first when you see evil or a potential threat, and to hell with the international community): Turkey is getting ready to march into Iraqi Kurdistan.
  • Tin Man: “I’m shocked, shocked to find that bombing is going on there.“ And he’s having fun (if that’s the right word) with his new computer: “Someone better invite me out this weekend, or I might not leave my apartment.”
  • Tony Pierce: “i am for this war because i look forward to the bush administration showing just as much attention to all the other portions of the world where there are tyrannical leaders, human rights tragedies, and oil rich nations that were also deeply involved in 9/11.
    i am looking forward to the bush administrations being just as courageous in dealing with these global terrors.” Also (the man is on fire today): Bounce Wit Me. Featuring George W. Bush’s war, to the words of Jay-Z.

  • Doc Searls notes that Kevin Sites, the CNN blogger in Iraq, has “stopped blogging for now.” Or, more precisely, has “been asked to suspend [his] war blogging for awhile.”
  • Dave offers pictures of a warm spring day in Cambridge, Mass. Of course there’s still snow on the ground there. Still, I miss watching the crews on the river.
  • And here, locally, I’ve found another UVA blogger, Ian T. Fisk, also known as the modern day founder of the Yellow Journal.